This day was quite disturbing. Well, first it was busy because of work and the requests and deliverables don't seem to be stopping. But that was fine. had quite a bit of time mismanagement (?) or i think it was because i really forgot to send the files needed. Whooppss..

The disturbing part was when i had dinner with my dad and brother, along with some guests. Admittedly, i was hesitating to go since i had brought home work and wanted to sleep earlier. but then this is a chance for me to be with my dad. and so yes, i went. There were 3 guests: the father, his son, and their business associate i guess. The son wants to be a pastor and has been travelling around the country to preach and teach. Apparently his dad didn't approve but didn't know how to tell his son about how he felt. And so enter my dad. He was giving advice to the son about how he should be helping out his dad with the business and not think about his own wants first. That his duty and obligation is to his family. There were times that my dad was saying "family first before God," and somehow he was trying to make it sound that the bible was outdated and whatever is in it isn't applicable to modern living/life.

It just bothered me that my dad seems to be pleased in "dissuading" people from their calling, especially when it is to become a religious. I was thinking, who are we to tell people to forego their calling? It's a matter between God and that person. Sure it's not bad to give advice, most especially if help is sorely needed in the family business, but I just feel that people shouldn't be mocked about their calling - even if they aren't completely certain that that is what they want to do in life. It could be that it's just testing waters first, to see if this is really it. Better to have tried and seen than to have completely ignored something that really matters.

The other thing is how prayer should be confined as one aspect of a person's life only. The way I was brought up (well...in school) is prayer should be completely part of one's life. We pray not so much to ask God for miracles (but we do sometimes) but because we want to create an intimate relationship with Him -- to get to know Him a little bit better and make that communion deeper. Because without prayer life does seem heavier (and my dad is correct in this point). But it is all about building a relationship and not about asking God to literally present Himself at your call. Prayer is also a time for your self. You also develop a personal relationship with yourself. to get to know that Ays or whoever beneath all the superficiality and facades that we present to the world. True, i haven't prayed for quite some time but I do believe that depth can be found in conversing with God. There is that knowledge that even if bad things happen, everything will be all right. That you can go on living and be happy for other people and for yourself. Peace can be found in prayer. That is solace, a haven where just for a while you can be yourself and not be afraid that you are being drawn and measured.

Whatever it is that people have, it is given by God though we may not be aware of it. Sometimes we rest too much on our own abilities and can't accept that there is, in fact, a being greater than outselves, someone who moves and works beyond our comprehension. But when we do understand, we learn that it makes sense. That God makes sense, unlike most people (including me).

There is one point that I do agree with my dad: such things like God's calling should be thought about with the heart and mind, not just either one but BOTH.

Ok I can go to sleep now. Maybe I'll edit this one of these days. :S